Author Topic: Tell us a joke (Read 11539 times)

Sinz · « **Reply #20 on:** March 26, 2011, 05:22:49 AM »

Whats the best thing about schizophrenia??

It turns a wank into an orgy!!!

RigorMortis · « **Reply #21 on:** March 26, 2011, 05:37:11 AM »

A citizen walks to the ticket office of the JFK airport and says to the lady : "One ticket to the Pentagon please".
"Well mister, this plane doesn't goes to the Pentagon".
"Yeah, would you bet on that ?" asks the man.
============================================
In a medieval castle, the guide leads the visitors through some dark, puzzle like steps in a deep dungeon. Somewhere at the and of the labirynth is a door with the following inscription : "Torture Chamber".
They all walk in, inside lots of skeletons, some old and new ones. The tourists ask : "Who's remains are these ?"
The guide replies : "The legend says, here found their end those tourists who didn't tipped their guide ... but this a legend only, of course

"

Virulo · « **Reply #22 on:** March 27, 2011, 09:38:57 PM »

Good ones, but i wont say the first one in a usa airport

retardgrind · « **Reply #23 on:** March 27, 2011, 11:05:45 PM »

So how bad can we go with the jokes?

Virulo · « **Reply #24 on:** March 29, 2011, 07:28:49 PM »

No racist super offensive stuff I think?

RigorMortis · « **Reply #25 on:** March 30, 2011, 01:10:53 AM »

Quote from: Virulo on March 29, 2011, 07:28:49 PM

No racist super offensive stuff I think?

Actually I could live with that, it's a joke after all, very customary to make fun of different folk's weakness or habits. Could that be jews, negros, scotts etc.

Bartman · « **Reply #26 on:** March 31, 2011, 04:52:16 PM »

A tree year old boy takes a bath at home.......he's checking his nuts and asks his mom : "are these my brais, mom""??......Mom answered: " not yet son, not yet"!!

So true!!

==skinless== · « **Reply #27 on:** March 31, 2011, 05:37:48 PM »

Quote from: retardgrind on March 27, 2011, 11:05:45 PM

So how bad can we go with the jokes?

You can go as bad as you wish mate,as long as it remain a joke and its not directly a joke made out of are members.

RigorMortis · « **Reply #28 on:** April 01, 2011, 02:22:09 AM »

Quote from: Bartman on March 31, 2011, 04:52:16 PM

A tree year old boy takes a bath at home.......he's checking his nuts and asks his mom : "are these my brais, mom""??......Mom answered: " not yet son, not yet"!!

So true!!

Ahahahahha, once the blood runs down ... the brain is suddenly replaced

==============================================================

Mr Smith goes to the doctor. The doctor says : "Mr Smith, I have some bad news"
"Oh my God, what would that be ?"
"Soon your left side will be paralysed"
Instantly Mr Smith put his hand in his trousers, grabs his stuff and moves it on his right side, "Let's save what is possible, don't we Doc ?"
===================================================

There is a fire in the hospital. After it got extinguished, the chief fireman says to the doctor :"We extinguished the fire, in the basement we found three victims. With first aid proceedure, we re vitalized two of them, but we lost the third one."
The doctor faints, when he re gains his senses, he says : "Do you know, that in the basement we have nothing else but the morgue ???"

==skinless== · « **Reply #29 on:** April 01, 2011, 02:38:34 AM »

Quote from: RigorMortis on April 01, 2011, 02:22:09 AM

Quote from: Bartman on March 31, 2011, 04:52:16 PM
A tree year old boy takes a bath at home.......he's checking his nuts and asks his mom : "are these my brais, mom""??......Mom answered: " not yet son, not yet"!!

So true!!

Ahahahahha, once the blood runs down ... the brain is suddenly replaced

==============================================================

Mr Smith goes to the doctor. The doctor says : "Mr Smith, I have some bad news"
"Oh my God, what would that be ?"
"Soon your left side will be paralysed"
Instantly Mr Smith put his hand in his trousers, grabs his stuff and moves it on his right side, "Let's save what is possible, don't we Doc ?"
===================================================

There is a fire in the hospital. After it got extinguished, the chief fireman says to the doctor :"We extinguished the fire, in the basement we found three victims. With first aid proceedure, we re vitalized two of them, but we lost the third one."
The doctor faints, when he re gains his senses, he says : "Do you know, that in the basement we have nothing else but the morgue ???"

Eheheheh they are both good nice one rig

Virulo · « **Reply #30 on:** April 01, 2011, 10:51:41 PM »

I'll tell the morgue one in my job

DeathWalkingTerror · « **Reply #31 on:** April 04, 2011, 08:28:20 PM »

On a battleship in the middle of the ocean, a Navy crewman shouts, "Captain, enemy ship on the horizon."
The Captain says to the First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt." Confused, the First Mate does as ordered.
The battleship opens fire and eventually sinks the enemy ship.
The First Mate turns to the captain and says, "Sir, I don't understand. Why was the red shirt so important?"
The captain replies, "In battle, soldiers follow their leader. If I sustained injury during battle while wearing a red shirt, the crew would not notice me bleeding and would continue to fight bravely."
The First Mate says, "Wow, that's brilliant."
Suddenly a crewman shouts, "Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon."
The Captain says to the First Mate, "Bring me my brown pants."

retardgrind · « **Reply #32 on:** April 04, 2011, 11:18:59 PM »

So this was told during a sound outage at a concert last year. Believe me, it is BAD!
Spoiler

What does an orange and a dead baby have in common?
I don't put my dick in an orange before I eat it.

RigorMortis · « **Reply #33 on:** April 05, 2011, 01:00:11 AM »

Quote from: DeathWalkingTerror on April 04, 2011, 08:28:20 PM

On a battleship in the middle of the ocean, a Navy crewman shouts, "Captain, enemy ship on the horizon."
The Captain says to the First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt." Confused, the First Mate does as ordered.
The battleship opens fire and eventually sinks the enemy ship.
The First Mate turns to the captain and says, "Sir, I don't understand. Why was the red shirt so important?"
The captain replies, "In battle, soldiers follow their leader. If I sustained injury during battle while wearing a red shirt, the crew would not notice me bleeding and would continue to fight bravely."
The First Mate says, "Wow, that's brilliant."
Suddenly a crewman shouts, "Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon."
The Captain says to the First Mate, "Bring me my brown pants."

DeathWalkingTerror · « **Reply #34 on:** April 06, 2011, 08:24:35 PM »

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Virulo · « **Reply #35 on:** April 06, 2011, 08:35:19 PM »

I'm gonna tell this one to a blonde friend

DeathWalkingTerror · « **Reply #36 on:** April 07, 2011, 05:48:52 AM »

Two guys walk into a bar. OUCH.

==============================================

Two fish are swimming upstream. One hits a wall; the other says, "Dam".

Bartman · « **Reply #37 on:** April 07, 2011, 06:07:56 AM »

short jokes are often the best!!

here's a good one!!

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

and an other

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

RigorMortis · « **Reply #38 on:** April 07, 2011, 06:28:01 AM »

The hunter goes on a safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. After camping, the mother-in-law wanders far away. The hunter and his wife proceed on searching her. In a distant bush group they find her looking terrified to a lion. After weighing the situation the wife says : " Now what ?"
"Nothing" replies the hunter, "the lion was looking for it, let him deal the situation ."

=========================================================

A fat woman stands in front of the mirror : " Mirror, mirror on the wall tell me who's the nicest in the area ?"
The mirror replies : " If you want me to tell that, step aside because I can't see shit. "
==============================================================

The bank robber takes a few hostages. He asks one of them : "Tell me, did you see me robbing this bank ? "
The hostage replies : "Yes." The robber doesn't thinks twice, just shots him. Then he puts the question to another one, that one says : "I didn't saw you, but my wife did."

DeathWalkingTerror · « **Reply #39 on:** April 07, 2011, 04:47:10 PM »

Quote from: RigorMortis on April 07, 2011, 06:28:01 AM

The bank robber takes a few hostages. He asks one of them : "Tell me, did you see me robbing this bank ? "
The hostage replies : "Yes." The robber doesn't thinks twice, just shots him. Then he puts the question to another one, that one says : "I didn't saw you, but my wife did."

Nice one Rig.